At the beginning of the year I made a decision to let go of a relationship I tried my best to hold on to. At some point I came to realize I was losing myself trying so hard to make a relationship work that no longer severed me and was overall disturbing my peace. Although it was a tough decision I knew I was settling and that my relationship was the cause of so much imbalance and unhappiness in my life. Truth is I kept ignoring signs that could have lead me to this decision a lot sooner, but fear of starting over and hoping things would change kept me in longer. Ultimately, my own lack of self-worth and love is the reason I held on for so long. Regardless of how and why the aftermath of a breakup can be really tough. Whether the decision was mutual or one-sided, or whether it ended peacefully or traumatically it all plays a part on how we heal afterwards. The emotions of sadness, loneliness, anger, or betrayal all may affect our ability to move on which sometimes isn’t as easy as we may like it to be. The good news is that these feelings will not last forever and brighter days will come.
So often we tend to believe that immediately jumping into another relationship will ease those feelings and help us move on quicker, however when we do that we aren’t giving ourselves time to grieve which is all a part of the healing process. Allowing ourselves to grieve is an important step in healing. Allowing ourselves to be sad, cry and to acknowledge any pain or hurt are healthy ways to express ourselves. Other ways can be talking to a supportive friend, praying, meditating which helped me tremendously or even talking to a counselor. And if you are someone who doesn’t like to express yourself to others, there is always comfort in writing in a journal. Expressing your feelings on paper can be very therapeutic. When we don’t allow ourselves to grieve we sometimes carry repressed pain and unresolved issues into future relationships. Once you allow yourself to grieve, you give yourself the gift of acceptance and in due time all the sadness will disappear, there will be less tears and your healing has already begun.
Once you pass the hardest part there will be a lot of time where you just reflect on your now past relationship. Most likely you will think about the mistakes, the regrets or you may even realize not being in that relationship is the best thing for you. You may even start to blame yourself for certain things, and when that happens just remember that every relationship is a school in which we are often learning more about ourselves than we are about the other. Take this time to rediscover you again. Fall in love with you again. Figure out what truly matters to you, figure out what it is you really want and need in a partner and in a relationship, so that when the right person comes along you are truly ready and you’ll know exactly what you want and who is the right person for you. Life is way too short to settle especially when it comes to love.
Also take this time to take care of YOU, self-care is vital and at the end of it all the most important relationship is the one with yourself. Self-care comes in many forms and this quote I came across on Instagram explains it perfectly. “Self-Care isn’t always lush bath bombs and $20.00 face mask. Sometimes, it’s going to bed at 8pm or letting go of a bad friend/unhealthy relationship. It’s forgiving yourself for not meeting your impossible standards and understanding you are worth it. Self-care isn’t always luxury but a mean for survival”. When you start taking care of yourself mind, body, and soul. You start feeling better, you start looking better and you even start to attract better. It all starts with you, make yourself happy instead of having the expectation that a relationship or someone else will bring you happiness.
“Every time we fall in love we draw closer to knowing ourselves. And if the heart breaks the soul seems to become a bit more free.”
Although this is all easily said than done, you will get there. It won’t be easy and it will take some time but eventually you will find peace in solitude. And you will enjoy your own company again. Saying goodbye is never easy but you must embrace it. I promise you at the end of it all you will come out stronger. Trust the process and embrace a new beginning.
Meet the Writer
Raven Robinson is currently working on being the best version of herself and learning how to live in the moment and enjoy life in the present. Meditation is something she started earlier this year and it has been an amazing part of her self-love journey. Right now her passion lies with starting the ground work to one day start her own business but she is also passionate about spreading positive vibes and love to those who can use that extra boost of love and positive energy every now and then. Check her out on Instagram: @_r.vn_ !