This week on social media has been extremely difficult to deal with. There has been an influx of tragic events, emotions, and many strong opinions. Everyday I’m logged in to my different social media accounts I’m reminded of how much of a mess the world is. My reality doesn’t depict this, I don’t see people dying every day or every other day. I don’t see people getting robbed every day when I step outside of my house nor have I experienced anyone close to me committing suicide every day. I don’t lose a family member to some type of sickness every day or every week either. Yet when I’m logged into social media I feel like I do. I feel like every day there’s a different tragedy, loss, or death. If it’s not one thing it’s another and though none of these tragedies have happened to me directly or are in no relation to me I still feel the same pain as if it was. I still feel remorse as if the tragedy happened in my home and amongst my loved ones.
I’m tired. I’m drained. I don’t know what to do. I feel as if there’s too much to do for the world to be a better place. I feel useless and inadequate in being able to help the world in anyway. Many people want to stop violence and spread more love but it seems as if social media does the same thing simultaneously which becomes redundant. We have people showing love and we have people who wish to retaliate and spread more hatred, violence, racism etc. and they feel as if this is their way of getting justice. It’s overwhelming and causes a lot of people to become numb to the pain when you see pictures and videos constantly being reposted over a hundred times in unusual ways captioned with different words expressing different pains. It all becomes just another day and just another tragedy. At the rate that I’m experiencing these events through social media I feel as if I can’t keep up. As if my little place in this huge world is just that, insignificant.
I feel as if there is nothing I can do at this point but be myself and make sure I’m living right. I must make sure I’m being the change I want to see in the world. But then you have innocent bystanders getting caught in crossfires from shoot outs. Now I’m in fear for my life, wondering if one day that’ll be me or someone I love. I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. I feel as if I’m just surviving, as if I’m always in survival mode no matter how good I am trying to live. I could only imagine how others are feeling who are in a more unfortunate situation than myself.
So, when I wake up every morning I pray. I don’t engage in social media when I wake up. I mentally prepare myself for the world. I take my time getting out of bed when I wake up. I take my time getting ready for work. I limit my social media to only one out of the four that I have. But lately I’ve been wanting to do more than that. Lately I’ve been thinking about logging out of all my accounts, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter and only logging in when I wish to post something. Or giving myself 30 mins out of my day to engage in social media activity and that’s it. I may also delete some of the apps off my phone altogether. But that’s difficult to do when you’re trying to build a business or a brand. I took notifications from my social medias off my phone because it minimizes my engagement. I don’t read into tragedies over and over again either. This is only to protect my mental health because I am a person who feels everything. I am a person who wants to help others and lately I’ve been demotivated from doing that.
Hopefully the world gets better one day. But until then I’ll have to better myself and pray that others follow suit. I’ll have to focus on how I can help others to help themselves, focus on my mission and take everything one day at a time.