Turn your goofy down and stop putting pressure on people to treat you how you want to be treated. Stop putting pressure on people who can’t be consistent with you. People who refuse to show effort or those who do the bare minimum to show they are “kind of trying.” People who are “pop ups”, the pop up in and out of your life as they please people.
You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person. It’s love month, its okay to not have a Valentine and love yourself.
Think about your love and how effortless it is. How you treat someone with respect and love, think about how you fight for your relationship and why. You do it because you want to actually be with the person and because you love them and are willing to grow with them. Now think about how you act with people you’re not really interested in or people who you yourself are unsure about. I’m inconsistent, I can careless if i speak to them or not, and I entertain them on my time and push them away when they become too much. I know they aren’t going anywhere and they have a weakness for me and so I act accordingly. I act like they’re disposable, I can pick them up and put them down when I please. They usually become too much for me because in all reality I don’t want them in a way that they want me.
The wrong one will have you confused, thinking too much and heart broken. You’ll be fighting mentally and probably physically while your insecurities suck the life out of you. You’ll be the only one fighting for a relationship that will end up being forced and not that great. You’ll spend your time searching for answers comparing yourself to other people because you don’t feel like you’re good enough. Find yourself trying to change yourself to meet their standards. Going above and beyond to prove how worthy you are. Just for them to still not appreciate you. You’ll get mad at something one day and they’ll tell you I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship. And they will be right.
Why is it that when it comes to us professing our love for others that we actually want we apply pressure to the situation. We search and question them when we already know the answer. We wait for them to tell us they don’t want to be with us instead of looking at actions. We receive their mixed emotions, we become wrapped up in the good times over and over and justify the bad times with excuses as to why things are the way they are. Let them be, give them space to do what they need to do and when they come back they should come back correct.
When someone wants you you won’t have to fight for them, it’ll just flow. They’ll make sure they communicate and they won’t keep you guessing, they’ll tell you what they want. But most people don’t know what they want until they get it and experience it or lose it. Respect effort and good intentions though. Stop asking people why they won’t treat you a certain way or to be in a relationship with you. Deal with it or leave it alone. When someone values another person they know they want to treat them well and will put the effort in to learn how to do so. They’re either not ready to be with you or they don’t want to be with you. Sometimes they want you just not in the way that you want them to want you. So date people who want the same things as you, date people who date like you and make your expectations clear.
I remember a friend of mine being in the barbershop with her boyfriend of five years. The barber asked him “when are ya’ll getting married?”. He said “I don’t know.” Barber: “ Well do you see her in your life for the rest of your life?” He said, “I don’t know.” At this point the barber feels like he opened a door that shouldn’t have been opened or was never really spoken about till that moment. So then the barber asked “ Well, do you see yourself without her?” and the boyfriend in the hot seat said “No I don’t see myself without her”. She felt as if it would of made her feel better if he said “ I don’t know exactly when we’ll get married, but I definitely see myself marrying her for sure.” But he was just unsure as hell. That was enough uncertainty for my friend who knew this wasn’t going to go as she planned and hoped but she still stayed and kept fighting for the relationship until he made it clear what she had already known.
People who want to grow with you, make plans with you. You shouldn’t be the only one making plans or excited about possibly starting a future together. I realized that when I met someone who made it clear they were not here to play with me. He made me a priority and made plans to see me ahead of time. He wasn’t scared of making plans with me months in advance because he planned on being there with me months down the line. Even if it didn’t work out, he knew what he wanted and did the courting. I didn’t have to tell him how to treat me he treated me how I treated myself, good. He made it very clear where he wanted me to stand and that was next to him as his lady. He’ll send the long messages and reassure you of how he feels about you so you won’t have to guess. The person who is all about you will appreciate everything you do and everything you don’t do, nothing will go over their heads. Some things don’t work out and people change their minds (we’re human) but when it comes to that point, you have to love yourself enough to let it go.
Take the pressure off of people backs and live your life and love yourself. Just because they can’t love you how you want to be loved doesn’t mean they’re bad people it just means they’re not for you, maybe not for you right now. If you’re going to settle for what you don’t want deal with it and stop complaining. Stop stressing yourself out because when it’s all said and done it’s not worth it and people are going to do what they want. Nothing is worth your peace of mind and your sanity of trying to get people to act right. Treat yourself how you want to be treated, commit to yourself and let people be who they’re going to be, just not on your time and not in your space.