I came into 2016 with the mindset of “this is my year I feel it” as I’m sure many others have. I felt like 2015 was just the warm up and I was ready to start putting things into action. I thought I would be well- established and I thought the level up would be out of this world. I was in love, I had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, I took my first all girls trip that I was dying for, and I thought I’d probably be engaged by the end of the year (That’s how embedded I was into working on making my relationship more solid than it’s ever been). I just knew he was going to want to propose to me by the end of the year LOL. I was going to have $20,000 saved, I was going to be in my own place, making double of what I made in 2015. But all in all it didn’t happen.
It’s now December 31st, 2016 and even though none of the above got accomplished, this was one of the most eye-opening years for me. I’m single, still living with my mother, making good money but not double of what I made in 2015 and I don’t have $20,000 saved. I can honestly say I wasn’t as focused when it came to my career, or finances as I wanted to be this year but I allowed myself to be focused on myself mentally and spiritually. I’m stepping into 2017 with a clear mindset. I spent the most time with myself this year than I have in seven years and I got to know myself, what makes me happy, and what I want for myself and from others.My friendships have blossomed and I cherish them wholeheartedly (probably why I couldn’t save my money, we were out popping bottles, living life, tryna be happy and not sad 😦 .) But I’ve never loved and communicated with my friends more than I have this year. My bond with my circle of friends has definitely gotten stronger.
I healed from everything that was holding me back from being the person I know I can be. Now that that’s done, I’m focusing on putting all my energy that I used to put into my relationship into myself to see where I can go. I mean why not? Like if you think about it, if you take all that energy that you put into someone else and into making a relationship work and put that into YOURSELF????? Jesus Christ, the levels we can reach.
I really want to put myself first and fight for myself. I want to fight for everything I want for once. Not for trust, not for someone to communicate with me, not for someone to love me right, not for attention, not for loyalty, not to get ignored, not to get left on read ( even though I leave people on read, everybody gets left sometimes). I want to fight for my career, my passion, meeting my goals, I want to fight my discouragement, I want to fight my lazy days, I want to fight for my place to make a difference in the world, I want to fight for my money, my new apartment, my talent, my family, my friends, and everyone who wants to be in my life willingly. All 2017. Unapologetically.
Unapologetically I’ve also made my own rules and I’ve made boundaries when it came to how people deal with me and what I will and will not tolerate (I’ll give y’all another post on that). I have control over my emotions and when I don’t I blame that on my period or mercury being in retrograde. I’m human and I still have a heart. My heart is not cold and I’m thankful for that. I came into 2016 wanting to reach new levels with my partner, now I’m coming into 2017 wanting to reach my own new levels. But when you’re in love you want certain things with the person you’re with (any who). I can give a damn about a relationship right now, if it comes maybe I’ll let it ( after moving extremely slow and being sure) but if it goes I’m definitely letting it. Told myself I’m not ready for a relationship, to get to know someone new, or be consistent with anyone because I’m in a relationship with myself right now. Don’t get me wrong I do want to be engaged and married one day, but for me that’s not a priority. I’m 24 years young and I realized that right now I just want to live for me, be great, reach my highest potential, and live in my purpose because I haven’t been fully committed to that. What’s meant to be will be and what’s for me will always be for me.
All in all, I started my wonderful blog (my biggest highlight of the year) and I only plan to continue sharing myself and my thoughts with ya’ll. I realized I have so much support and love around me from my home to my workplace and so many people need me to be me. So I’m putting passion towards my passion. This is my baby and like I said how can I fight for someone else and not for myself. How can I want someone to be consistent with me and I’m not consistent with my damn self. So I’m off to show myself some more love in 2017 ya’ll. I deserve it.
Happy New Year!!