It’s Not You It’s Me.

black-woman-frustrated-headache-2

“ No really. It’s me. I can’t lay down with you tonight. I can’t listen to your rants today. I can’t hang out with you. I can’t have sex with you tonight. I just need to spend time with me. I don’t want to put my troubles on you, I just need some time to sort things out on my own. I still love you though. “

 

 

Some of us don’t realize how important our individuality is and how necessary it is to take care of self. We have to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually in order to be truly happy with ourselves, our lives, and our daily progression. Lately I’ve been needing “Me time” a lot because I’m at a point in my life where I don’t know what direction I’m going in career wise and relationship wise. I was just feeling like my life was in shambles and I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know what I liked, what I wanted, my boundaries, my dreams, my relationship status and it was all becoming frustrating. I needed answers and I was the only person who could truly supply them.

 

I needed to get back to me and evaluate my life and talk to myself, literally. I needed to spend time taking two hours to get ready because I wanted to at least look like my life was together. I needed to spend time keeping myself up from simple things like making sure my hair was combed, putting a little makeup on, looking cute everyday even if its simple, eating good, working out, and getting waxed. I needed to look up future hair styles, cute outfits I wanted to buy. I spent time reading whatever interest me, and whatever I wanted to learn more about. I read things from Michelle Alexanders’ “The New Jim Crow” to “The Mastery Of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. All were books that really helped in my mental and spiritual growth in different aspects. I gained different perspectives, gained an understanding of myself and why I am the way I am, and why others are the way they are.

 

I started making plans with other people I didn’t usually make plans with or see often like cousins, my siblings, my dad, and friends I barely see because it keeps you open to the world and makes you realize certain things good and bad. Just from spending time with myself and moving on my own time and at my own pace I became happier. I took my time walking down the street, appreciated not having to rush and being able to stop in stores and look around and ask questions. I engaged in conversations with people I usually wouldn’t talk to because I now had something to talk about.

 

It’s so important to be an individual and even if you don’t have anything to talk about at least you know yourself enough to be able to admit that and feel comfortable about it. Learn who you are and accept it or step out of your comfort zone and be the person you wish to be, as long as you’re doing it for yourself. It sounds cliche when people say if you don’t have a relationship with yourself you can’t have a relationship with someone else. But its true.

 

Lets emphasize the “real” in the “relationship”. Sure you’ll have relationships but they won’t be as real and honest. That’s why it seems that some people can jump from one relationship to the next. Its easy to do when there’s no substance. Sometimes when your partner thinks there’s someone else making you distant from them, it is, and that person is YOU. The YOU that needs time alone to get themselves together. That person who is growing and is in an uncomfortable place.

 

We go through many things internally that many people don’t get to see no matter how close we may be to someone. Sometimes we overthink sometimes we get in a funk about our lives and why we aren’t where we want to be. Sometimes we unconsciously get so caught up in a relationship and putting the relationship first because it’s important to us that we lose ourselves in the process. Then when the relationship gets rocky, you feel like your life is rocky. One of the reasons relationships get rocky is because there may be too much time being spent with someone else and you look for them to make you happy. You go to work, you get off work, and you want to meet up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend. They’re busy so you go home and wait for them. They go out now you have nothing to do but watch TV, you text them while they’re out, go to sleep, and get upset because you don’t have friends and they do.

Before you make anyone else happy you have to be able to make yourself happy. Find something that you love to do other than your mate. If you can’t find something you love to do spend time with other people you love, like your family and friends who often get neglected. But nonetheless, no matter what you’re going through, it’s important to communicate to the person you love about what’s going on in order to clear up any confusion and assumptions. Hopefully they understand because we’re all human.

 

Xoxo,

LeAishaLenae

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9 Comments

  1. Destinee

    This just gave me life🙌🏽 ! I really love this post because it spoke to me in many ways I can relate. This is exactly where I’m at right now , it’s all about me ❤️

    Like

  2. Que

    I like this post Leaisha. I can definitely relate, especially about loving myself first. Still tryna figure it out ,but reading this really gave me an aspect on how I can take that next step.

    Like

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